I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
