Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
