My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
