I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
