I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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