from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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