Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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