I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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