so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
