i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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