Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
