Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
