somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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