stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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