What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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