Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
