Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
