Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
