I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
