oh god the rape fog is back!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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