he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
