I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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