i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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