how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
