How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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