I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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