I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she told me i tasted like america
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
