My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
