he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
