we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
