drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
