90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
