You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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