I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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