I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
