i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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