just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
