Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
