it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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