...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
