she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
