I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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