Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
