Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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