he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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