One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
