member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
