I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
