mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
