He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
